A VERY BAD DAY   

Fileda Straker’s day didn’t get off to the best of starts. When the auto-brewer exploded all over the kitchen and rendered her caffeine-less, she maybe should have taken it as a sign of things to come.

Then again, Fi was a true Brit, had always been taught to soldier on through adversity, smile sweetly, find a solution like ordering a subordinate to make her a coffee when she got to the base, and totally believe her day could only get better.

Sadly, it would only get worse.

The Tesla felt as sluggish as her caffeine-restricted head as she pressed the accelerator, and it limped out of Quantico like it was towing a Super-Hummer. Which was when she realised she hadn’t pressed the auto-charge button when she’d parked it in the dock the previous night.

Seventeen percent charge. It was just enough to get her to HQ, if the traffic was light. She thumped the steering wheel, and then thumped the emergency light button. Lots of screaming siren noises and blue flashes would help persuade the crawling masses of humanity to get out of her way.

The dash was all blinking warning lights as she made the security gate. The guys on the barrier knew exactly who it was approaching at the speed of light, and shook their heads at each other in despair, all too aware if they didn’t raise it fast there wouldn’t be anything left of it to open.

One percent... it was shut-down at any moment. There was barely enough juice to glide into her designated parking space...

No... no!

The Tesla exhaled its last breath and came to a grinding halt. Right in the middle of the driving lane. Just before the designated parking space someone had already occupied.

Who the hell?

It began to rain. Great big balls of cold water, smacking onto the windshield like the bullets from hell. She swore to herself, and raised frustrated eyes to the roof. That really didn’t help. The rivers of water streaking across the double smoked-glass roof like tsunami waves made it all too clear she was about to get very, very wet.

She pressed the glove box lid, realising as she did so the auto-lock wouldn’t let it open.

No power. No umbrella.

Then she swore for real, thumping the manual open-door button six times, and letting out a few more expletives to the sweet, soft voice that reminded her one press was all she needed.

In seconds she was soaked. It didn’t stop her striding over to the motorcycle invading her space, glaring at it manically, and kicking the ball-tyres in a futile attempt to puncture them. That didn’t help much either. She lost her footing on the wet ground, and ended up with a sore and soaking butt to add to the rest of her soggy self.

It was two hundred metres to shelter. Bollocks to it. She left the Tesla where it was, and ran for the entrance foyer of the IPPD building she could just about see through the fog of raindrops.

The cheers from the boys in the squad room didn’t make the day any easier. As she squelched her way across the floor, torrents of cold water dripping from her long hazel-blonde hair, the only reply she could think of was a single finger.

She caught site of a weird-looking girl sitting at one of the detective’s desks. What? Suddenly she found her voice. ‘Hey, Caruso... since when did perps sit at squad room desks? Get her to interrogation, or the cells.’

He raised his arms from his sides, but she didn’t wait for an acknowledgement to her order. Commander Walsh had asked to see her on a rest-day, so something important had to be happening. Thanks to exploding coffee-makers and pricks with motorcycles, she was already late.

His door opened just before she reached it. ‘Ah, Straker. Glad you could finally make it.’

She closed the door behind her, his sarcastic tone thumping into her brain just like it was intended to do. ‘Sir, sorry sir... not been the best of mornings.’

He eyed her up and down. ‘So I see. I’d ask you to sit, but you’d make the chair wet. Coffee?’

‘Oh god... yes... yes please, sir. You’re a life-saver, sir...

‘Hell, it’s just coffee, Straker. You don’t have to swear your undying love.’

‘Sir... I wasn’t, sir. Just...’

‘For Christ’s sake sit down. It might help you stop babbling. I’ll get the dryers out later.’ He handed her the coffee, throwing her a towel from one of his drawers. ‘And dry your hair. You look like a drowned hamster.’

‘It’s rat, sir. Drowned...’

‘In your case Straker, hamster seems more appropriate. Just shut your mouth and listen for once, ok?

A muffled ‘ok’ came back from underneath a flailing towel.

‘I’ve called you in this morning to meet your new partner.’

‘What?’ A mass of dishevelled hair reappeared, a pair of wide eyes somewhere in the middle of it all.

Commander Walsh sighed. ‘Your new partner, Straker. Time to get acquainted.’

‘But, sir... I thought it was supposed to be next week? I can’t... like this?’

‘She got here early, so as you’re not on a case right now, you might as well bring her up to speed.’ He beckoned to someone in the doorway. Fi tried desperately to do the impossible, tame wild hair with nothing but fingers. It was impossible.

‘Geez, you look like an orang-utan who’s just had an electric shock.’ A slightly-husky voice with a strong Bronx accent accompanied a big grin.

‘You?’

She smiled. ‘Surprise...’

‘And I’m not orange.’

‘Ok, a dark blonde orang-utan. Or dark-blonde-utan. Hell, does it matter?’

‘Girls...’ Walsh let out another huge sigh. ‘Captain Straker, meet detective Bender.’

‘You called me a perp.’

‘Well, you look like a perp, or... something.’

‘Please... what kind of attitude is that? I look different, so I must be a crook? For fu...’

‘Girls...’  This time the decibel level was higher. ‘Play nice, please?’

The new girl walked over to Fi, and draped the towel over her head. ‘Put this back on, for pity’s sake. It’s a slight improvement.’ She smiled, and held out a crumpled paper bag. ‘I brought cookies... they might be a little broken up, but they still taste good. Not easy keeping them in one piece on the bike.’

Fi peeped out from the towel, a look of disbelieving horror creasing her eyes to narrow slits. ‘Motor-bike?’

‘Sure. Got the last spot in the car park too.’

‘Arghh...’ Fi flew to her feet, and the towel flew across the room in the general direction of the new girl. ‘That was my space, you thief. You are a perp after all!’

‘Geez, keep your English knickers on. How was I supposed to know?’

‘Which part of having my name painted on it makes that unclear?’

‘Oh... shit, sorry. Wondered what that was doing there. Have a cookie...’

‘I don’t want a cookie.’

‘Please... don’t Brit beanpoles eat cookies?’

‘Beanpole?’

‘Sure... you look like you need cookies. Here...’ She put the bag in Fi’s hands, and tapped her slim fingers sympathetically. ‘Have the lot. I feel for you. I’ll go get you some more later.’

‘Sir...’ Fi turned to plead with the commander. He wasn’t there, having taken the sensible and slightly-cowardly option of letting the new partners resolve their issues between themselves. She slumped down onto the seat, and covered her head with the towel. ‘Could this day get any worse?’

The door opened, and one of the junior detectives said, very nervously and reluctantly, ‘Captain Straker, I think you’d better come. Base security is towing your Tesla to the compound.’

Chapter 1

Fi spent a few eye-watering minutes in the washroom, forcing a brush through matted and tangled hair that just didn’t want to get unmatted or untangled, and then decided she needed caffeine. In the mess, she saw a vaguely-familiar figure sitting in a corner, reading something.

As she reached her, she could see what it was. ‘You’re reading my file?’

‘Sure. It’s... enlightening.’

‘Where the hell did you get that from?’ The words were growled out.

‘I have friends. Unlike you, according to this. Geez, you’re good, I gotta say. But it’s come at a price, huh?’

‘I... take my work seriously.’ Fi slumped onto the chair opposite her new partner, and took a long gulp of the coffee to try and stop any more expletives escaping.

‘Oh boy. You’re making me cry now.’ The girl wiped away a pretend tear. ‘No husband... boyfriends... pets?’

‘I had a boyfriend... once.’

‘Ok. I understand. So what happened... tell aunty?’

‘He... he got transferred. To one of Neptune’s moons.’

‘Got transferred?’

‘He may have requested it.’

‘Oh Christ. Now you’re breaking my heart.’ She put a shaking hand across her mouth. ‘I ache for you, I really do. You, and that sad, sorry life. Here...’ She pushed her plate across the table. ‘Have half my bacon sandwich... there’s only one bite out of it. Maybe it’ll help... geez, a boyfriend who runs to the other side of the solar system to get away from you...’

‘He said he needed space.’

‘He sure got that, a few zillion miles of it.’

‘I’d rather not talk about it, thank you all the same.’ Fi sat up straight, switched on a hesitant smile, took a bite of the almost-half a bacon sandwich, and changed the subject.

‘So detective Bender, do you have other names?’

‘Please... who the fuck has only one name?’

‘Ok... so are you going to tell me?’

‘RC.’

‘Assy? Really?’

‘Geez... no. Shit, I thought you were bright. R... C... they’re initials, get it?’

‘R C Bender... are you being serious?’

‘What can I say? My parents had a sense of humour.’

‘A pretty sick one, if you ask me.’

‘Ok, that’s it.’ RC grabbed the plate, and the quarter-sandwich out of Fi’s hand. ‘I’m having my sandwich back now. You and your pathetic jokes can go feed yourselves.’

‘Ok, ok. I’m sorry. No, stuff that. You called me an orang-utan, so we’re quits.

‘A dark-blonde-utan actually. And you called me a perp.’

‘Alright, I apologise. Just this once. So now we’re quits. You do look a bit odd though.’

‘Odd?’

‘Well... the weird hair, with all the... things in it.’

‘It’s cyber punk.’

‘And the short skirt, with... lacy bits.’

‘It’s my look.’

And the boots... with teeth?’

‘Geez, they’re not teeth. They’re studs, just... sharp ones.’

‘So you don’t think you’re odd?’

‘Hell no, just different. I prefer my own style, ok?’

‘That’s awfully clear.’

‘Awfully? Ok, now you’re making it weird. You and your English faces.’

‘What’s an English face?’

‘You know, that nose-in-the-air thing you do.’

‘I do not do a... nose in the air thingy.’

‘Sure you do. You’re doing it now. Makes me think I can’t work with you, having to look at that twenty-four-seven.’

Fi’s head dropped. ‘Ok, I’m sorry. I’ll lower my nose. Just don’t let me lose another partner, please?’

‘Lose? What, you mislaid the last one?’

‘He... went to a different department.’

‘Oh shit. Now I’m bleeding inside. Here, have the sandwich. There’s a couple of bites left.’ She stood up, thrust Fi’s head between her breasts before she realised what was happening, and patted the side of her head. ‘It’s ok, aunty RC will take care of you. You and your frizzy hair, your shitty boyfriendless and partnerless life, and your Brit issues... we’ll make it all better, ok?’

A muffled ‘ok’ came back from somewhere inside RC’s cleavage.

‘Cool. I’ll go find us some cookies.’

Chapter 2

Fi woke to the sound of birdsong. Or to be more precise, the screech of a parrot. Who was belting out, ‘Wake up, the place is on fire’, at the top of its impossible-to-ignore voice.

As the vague thought crossed her mind she’d been transported to an alternative reality, she tried to force foggy eyes to focus. It wasn’t easy, maybe something to do with the jackhammer trying to break her skull in two.

She struggled into a sitting position. The room didn’t want to keep still. She tried closing her eyes to stop the carousel. It worked, to a point. Not that it did much to alleviate the confusion.

She was in a double bed, a black satin sheet silky against her skin. A red and black duvet covered her nakedness...

What?

She was naked. She never slept naked. She lifted the duvet to her chin, suddenly feeling vulnerable. Where was she? She blinked rapidly in a vain attempt to find coherent thought, and then jumped out of her naked skin as the parrot in the cage in the corner screeched, ‘Good Morning!’

Being vertical wasn’t the best idea right then, so she lay back, staring at the deep-blue ceiling punctuated with star shapes that seemed to twinkle with a life of their own. Her heart was beating faster than it should... very likely a side effect of not having a clue where she was or how she got there.

Or how she got naked.

The multi-coloured parrot wasn’t letting up either. ‘Get up, you lazy bitch!’

She stuck an angry finger up at the bird, who was flitting from side to side of the perch at a high rate of knots. And clearly used to such gestures. ‘Not the right answer!’

She turned away from her roommate, and lay on her side. In a nanosecond it made everything worse. Unless while she’d been asleep she’d somehow managed to transfer herself to the other side of the bed, and put a head-shaped dent in that pillow too, then she hadn’t been alone.

Think, Straker. How hard can it be?

Not hard. Impossible.

Coherent thought was at absolute zero. Except for the slightly-mortifying realisation that she’d spent the night naked, in a strange bed, with a strange person.

But the strange bed was awfully comfortable, the parrot alarm clock seemed to have gone into snooze mode, and moving felt like far too much effort, so she closed her eyes and began to drift off again.

‘Morning!’

The clunk of a mug being placed onto the side table ripped her away from almost-sleep.

‘Drink it... it’ll help.’

She tried to focus again. It still wasn’t easy. Then a shock of cyber-punk red wrapped around a cheeky grin, bobbing around six inches in front of her face, made everything totally, horribly clear.

‘You...’

‘Geez... ungrateful bitch. I drag myself out of bed to make you a cup of tea, and that’s the thanks I get? Wish I hadn’t given you my sandwich now.’

‘Out of... of this bed?’

‘Do you see any more beds around you?’

Somehow Fi managed to reach a sitting position, then remembered she was naked, and covered up hastily. It didn’t go unnoticed.

‘What, you’re shy all of a sudden now?’ RC grinned.

‘Now?’

‘You sure as hell weren’t last night... or earlier on this morning, come to that.’

‘What?’

‘You don’t remember?’ RC turned away so Fi couldn’t see the smile. That meant her captain could see a lot more. She was dressed in a twenty-first century pinny-style apron. And nothing else.

Despite herself, Fi burst out laughing. ‘What are you wearing? Apart from not very much.’

‘I’m making scrambled eggs. You want me to get food all down this sexy, silky skin you seem to love so much? I guess you could always lick it off...’

‘Oh god.’ Fi buried her face in her hands. ‘What happened?’

‘Murphy’s.’

‘Murphy’s?’

‘Yeah, you know... Murphy’s bar?’

‘Oh god.’

‘Drink the tea. It’ll take away the pain.’ She placed the mug in Fi’s shaking hands.

‘I... don’t have any pain. Apart from the head.’

‘You will when you remember what you did last night.’

‘Oh god.’

‘Drink.’

Fi took a sip of the brew. ‘Arghh! Did you put any tea in this sugar?’

‘I told you, it’ll help.’

‘I need coffee.’

‘No you don’t. More stimulants are the last thing you need, trust me.’

‘Oh god.’

‘Will you stop saying that? He ain’t gonna help you, not now.’

‘Oh g...’ Fi caught sight of something written across the top of her hand. ‘What’s... a number..?’

‘It’s Chuck’s.’

‘The barman?’

‘Yeah. Best you don’t call it though. It’s probably false.’

‘Why?’

‘You’re a cop. You know what people do under duress. Anything to get free.’

‘What... what are you saying, RC?’

‘Geez...’ She shook her head, sat on the side of the bed and took Fi’s hand. ‘You know I would spare you this if I could? Anything to not make your shitty, lonely life any worse. But it’s better out in the open, before you hear it from anyone else.’

‘Anyone else?’

‘Just ignore the photos that’ll be all over the squad room by now, ok? Just believe it’s because they love you... really love you. Then you’ll get through it.’

‘Please just tell me what I did.’ The words were a whisper.

‘You don’t remember draping yourself across the bar top?’

‘Oh god. No, I don’t.’

‘Shit. This is worse than I thought. Ok, it was just after you’d groped Commander Walsh’s secretary, and shortly before you passed out. I guess when she slapped you in the face it must have sparked something. That’s when you... went on a crusade.’

‘Crusade?’ The word groaned out in a desolate kind of way.

‘Best word I can think of for a single-minded mission to suck the breath out of everyone in the room.’

‘Why didn’t you stop me?’

‘Couldn’t get near you. There was a queue, maybe because you’d unzipped your uniform down to the waist. It was only when some girl called you a fucking lesbian you aborted operation lip-synch and headed to the bar. Geez, it’s giving me the shivers even thinking about it...’

‘That’s not helping.’

RC patted Fi’s hand, and then wrapped both of hers around it. ‘You sure you’re ready for this, partner?’

‘No. But lay it on me anyway.’

‘Shit. That word, laying... brings a tear to my eye...’

‘Will you get on with it?’

‘Sure. Just let me compose myself... ok, you were laying across the bar top, pouting like a half-naked hooker. Chuck asked you to get down, you... demanded his phone number, so he said in your dreams. That’s when you... um, pulled rank.’

‘What?’

‘You kinda flashed your badge in his face, grabbed his dick and wouldn’t let go, and told him if he didn’t give you his number you’d arrest him for withholding information.’

‘Oh god.’

Chapter 3

Fi sat dejectedly at the breakfast bar, toying with the scrambled eggs and salami she was trying to force down. She couldn’t seem to find any words, unlike RC.

‘You eating that, or shall I give it to Waldorf?’

‘Waldorf?’ A whisper.

‘My  Amazon parrot. He likes eggs.’

‘He likes waking me up.’

RC giggled. ‘I trained him to do that. Well, wake me up anyway. Cool, huh?’

‘No.’

‘Aw... has my new partner got herself a hangover?’

‘I want to die.’

‘Save that for the squad room... oh shit, me and my gob. Sorry, they all love you, really.’

‘My career is over. I can’t go back, ever.’

RC put an arm around her desolate new friend. ‘Sure you can. I’ll hold your hand, if it’ll help.’

‘After last night, you think that’s going to help?’

‘Maybe not. Bad call. I’ll take them all cookies.’

‘Is that your answer to life, the universe and everything?’

‘Guess I could take doughnuts?’

Fi let out an end-of-the-rope type of cry, and turned away. ‘While we’re on the subject of career-ending events, how did I end up naked in your bed anyway? Did you strip me?’

‘No. You stripped you. After you regained consciousness and I’d carried you like a rag doll away from the bar on my shoulder. And just before you threw yourself on top of me on the bed and tried to suck my tonsils out.’

‘You’re making that up.’

‘Ok, maybe I exaggerate a little. Yeah, I stripped you, you left me no choice.’

‘You could have left my underwear on.’

‘Then it wouldn’t have been so much fun having my wicked way with you.’ RC backed away, as the scrambled eggs looked like they were about to fly. ‘Ok, now I exaggerate a lot. I had to, you were soaked to the skin.’

‘Oh. Was it still raining?’

‘Please... that bar top was swimming in beer when you went into hussy-mode and used it as a casting couch.’

‘Oh god.’

‘Worse things happen at sea.’

‘Yes well, I’m drowning in remorse anyway. What’s that smell?’

‘Oh shit...’ RC ran to the far side of the kitchen. ‘I put your uniform in the oven to dry it out. What was left of it anyway.’

‘The oven?’

RC whipped open the door, and pulled out the slightly-smoking uniform. ‘Aw, see... it’s ok. Maybe a little crisp around the edges.’ She wafted a hand across her nose. ‘Geez... smells of hot beer though.’

‘Oh god.’

She dropped it onto the breakfast bar. ‘Here, put it on. Got a feeling you might get a call from HQ sometime soon.’

‘Thanks for that. Where is my phone anyway?’

RC pulled it from the butt pocket of the slacks. ‘It was wet too.’

‘You cooked my phone?’

Fi grabbed it, just as it began to vibrate. RC grinned. ‘See, it still works!’

Fi looked at it in dismay. Commander Walsh’s office. There was no choice. ‘H... hello?’

The recently-groped secretary’s curt voice sounded like thunder in her ear. ‘Captain Straker, the commander has requested your presence in his office. Immediately please.’

She didn’t wait for an acknowledgement, the call was abruptly ended. Fi glanced to RC. ‘That was...’

‘Yeah, I kinda gathered. How... how did she sound?’

‘Pissed.’

‘No big surprise.’

‘Which... which bits of her did I grope?’

‘Might be easier to tell you the bits you didn’t.’

‘Oh god.’

Chapter 4

The walk of shame was every bit as horrendous as Fi imagined. She cursed the fact the commander’s office was at the far end of the squad room, cursed even more the fact no one seemed to be committing any criminal acts right then, and virtually every detective the Interplanetary Police Department employed seemed to be at their stations, eagerly anticipating her arrival.

At least everyone seemed to be happy, laughing and cheering as she walked with her head held high... but not too high... towards the dreaded door. And according to the snippets of phrases she could make out above the cheers, most of them seemed to want to spend time with her and a bottle of something alcoholic. They did like her after all.

She told herself.

‘Straker.’

The commander’s tone wasn’t exactly welcoming. His facial expression and body language weren’t much more promising. ‘Sit.’

Fi sat, slowly and sheepishly. Then all was quiet. Way too quiet. Walsh sat behind the big desk, tapping keys, and seemingly engrossed in something far more important than the squirming detective captain unable to not watch his every finger action. After an hour of silence, it got too much.

It was only three minutes... it just felt like an hour.

‘Sir... say something, please sir?’

He glanced up, and drew a deep breath. ‘In all honesty, Straker, I don’t know what to say.’

‘Thank you, sir.’

‘For what?’

‘Saying something.’

He shook his head in a sad kind of way. ‘I don’t know what personal issues you are enduring right now, Captain, but when your out-of-control actions impact directly on members of my staff, I have to respond to that. My secretary is extremely upset by your... violation.’

Fi looked down to her hands, trying to stop them wringing so obviously. ‘I’m sorry sir, I don’t know what got into me, sir.’

‘A lot of alcohol, by all accounts.’

‘Yes sir. I don’t usually drink very much.’

‘That was painfully obvious to everyone in Murphy’s. Most of whom seemed to enjoy your half-naked exploits. Unfortunately, one or two took exception to your brazen physical contact, like my secretary, who has demanded I take action in an official capacity.’

Fi tried to stop the tears welling up, but didn’t quite manage it. ‘You want my badge, sir?’

He shook his head again, even more sadly. ‘I should have your badge, Straker. Fortunately for you, there are two things in your favour. Somehow, despite your personal issues, you are good at what you do. And secondly, a situation has arisen on a space station orbiting Mars, so I have decided to send you and detective Bender to investigate.’

He handed her a tablet. Fi’s eyes lit up, unable to hide her delight. ‘Oh sir... sir, thank you so much for having faith in me... I don’t know what to say...’

‘Don’t flatter yourself, Straker. None of the other lazy bastards in the squad room wanted it, but then I decided it was an ideal way to get r... get you away from base for a while anyway, and avoid any further confrontation. Ballistic 69 is being flight-prepped as we speak... you have three hours to get ready.’

Fi leapt to her feet and headed to the door, calling back in a slightly-squeaky voice, ‘Thank you, sir. I’ve got this. I won’t let you down, Commander Walsh.’

‘Read the notes, captain. All the info we have is there, which isn’t much I have to say.’

‘I will, sir. I’ve got this, sir.’

‘You already said th...’

She was gone. As the door slammed behind his over-excited captain, he closed his eyes and shook his head. Yet again

Fi strode up to the squad room desk where RC was chatting to one of the other detectives. ‘Come on, you. Work to do.’

She glanced up, and frowned. ‘You look... perky.’

‘It’s my down-to-business face. Get used to it. We’ve got a case.’

‘Seriously?’

‘Well, don’t look so shocked. That is what we do, solve crimes.’

RC leapt to her feet, and caught up with her partner just as she made the exit door. ‘Geez.’

‘Geez?’

‘Sure, geez. There was me thinking I’d just made the record books for the shortest partnership in history. You want a cookie?’

Chapter 5

‘Wow. Space... finally.’

RC’s big eyes grew even bigger as the two girls stood on the concourse looking up to the long-range shuttle designated Ballistic-69, its sleek alloy body glowing slightly red as a crimson sun began to dip into the horizon and say goodbye to the day.

‘Excuse me?’

‘I finally get to go into space.’

‘I beg your pardon?’

‘What?’

‘You’re an Interplanetary Police Department detective and you’ve never been into space?’

‘Do I look like Buzz Lightyear?’

‘He never went into space either. Give me strength.’

‘Ok, quit with the disapproving English scowl thingy. I’m not IPPD, I’m NYPD. At least I was, until today. Now it’s to infinity and beyond...’

‘Give me strength.’ Fi headed for the cockpit hatch, shaking her head. Still gazing up at the shuttle, RC then realised she was alone, and clattered up to join her captain. ‘And stop saying give me strength.’

Fi turned to look at the slightly-awestruck girl beside her. ‘It’s a desperate plea... I’m going to need all the strength I can find.’

‘That’s what the cookies are for.’

‘Geez.’

‘And you can stop saying that.’

‘But... but it’s... tiny. A tiny little shoebox, with tiny little rooms and tiny little beds made for dwarves.’

‘You should feel at home then.’

‘Not funny. It’s like a reverse Tardis... bigger on the outside than the inside. This is how you spend your life, cruising the universe in a rocket-powered doll’s house?’

‘You’ll get used to it.’

‘Give me strength.’

‘Stop it.’

Fi dropped into the pilot’s seat, and began to run through pre-flight checks. RC fell into the portside seat, and gazed at the array of switches and screens surrounding her. ‘You’re sooo clever, sir. I have trouble finding the kettle switch sometimes.’

‘Don’t call me sir.’

‘Beanpole?’

‘No.’

‘Brit-chick?’

‘No.’

‘Ultraviolet?’

‘Funny. Just Fi. We don’t stand on ceremony here.’

‘Hard enough to stand anywhere. So how long are we gonna be cooped up in this corndog?’

‘Thirty-seven point five hours.’

‘Oh, so precise,’ said RC, in her best English accent. Fi glanced across, and scowled. ‘Are you going to be sarcastic to a superior officer the whole trip?’

‘Sure, if you’re going to be precise the whole trip. You could have just said a day and a half.’

‘But it’s not...’

‘Ok, ok, I bow to your precision, sir. Hang on...’ Her eyes glazed over, she began to count on her fingers. ‘According to your precisely-English calculations, we’re travelling at eight-hundred-thousand miles an hour?’

‘I’ll take your word for it.’

‘That’s faster than the speed of light. So technically speaking we’ll get there before we depart?’

‘If you look at it in normal time. Using rip-drive makes it possible. You’ll not have heard of it, they only invented it twenty years ago...’

‘I know what rip-drive is,’ said RC, slightly indignantly. ‘It’s like a space-tunnel thingy...’

‘It’s very technical, you wouldn’t understand. We...um, enter one end, and kind of...’

‘Pop out the other, like a champagne cork...’

‘Um, yes, kind of.’

RC giggled. ‘You haven’t got a clue how it works, have you captain sir?’

‘Not the faintest. I just press that big red button.’

‘So what does the rest of this tin can do, seeing as we’re living in about five percent of it?’

‘It’s mostly the engine and power core. And a small secure room.’

‘Ooh, we taking prisoners?’

‘Hopefully not.’

‘Aw... that’s no fun. They always break free on the journey home, hold the crew to ransom, murder them one by one, and then the captain has a eureka moment and saves the day...’

‘One by one?’

‘Oh yeah... guess I’d be the first and only corpse. Let’s not take prisoners, huh?’

Fi turned to look at her new partner. ‘Look RC, I love this job, but it’s hardly the stuff of sci-fi movies. We investigate crimes, and try to bring the perpetrators to justice. Mostly it’s methodical, painstaking and slow. Nothing epic ever happens, so get that out of your head.’

‘No ray-gun battles, fights to the death, getting thrown out of a moving spaceship?’

‘No.’

‘So why do you love it so much?’

Fi lowered her head, and looked almost embarrassed for a moment. ‘Because when we get a result, and the bad guys get banged up, it... it makes me feel like I’ve done something worthwhile.’

RC nodded thoughtfully. ‘Yeah, no arguments for that one.’ She noticed a set of headphones hanging on the side of the seat, spent two minutes trying to fit them around the cyber punk hair, glared at Fi who was grinning in amusement, and then jumped out of her skin as a voice filled her ears.

‘Ballistic-69, this is mission control. You are good to go, lift-off in ten. Good luck, Captain Straker.’

Fi’s smile grew even bigger. ‘Sure you’re up for this, punk?’

‘Br... bring it on, future-girl...’

The hum of the power core rose to a scream. Then the shuttle began to move, accelerating faster than a formula one car, and pressing its occupants back into their seats. Fi glanced across to her partner, making sure she was ok. She looked petrified, but a huge smile was splitting her face in two.

‘Hang on to your helmet, Buzz... you’re about to finally get your wish!’

Chapter 6

‘Geez, I’ve never stood in the toilet to have a shower before!’

Fi grinned, and showed RC how to operate the shower in the tiny en suite attached to her equally-tiny quarters. ‘You don’t have to do that... look, there’s room if you stand up against the back wall.’

RC threw her a disgusted look. ‘What if I want to open my legs and play with myself?’

Despite herself, Fi couldn’t stop a giggle. ‘You do that... in the shower?’

‘Sure. The shower, the bed, the kitchen table... hey, you don’t?’

‘Not... not really.’

‘Oh shit. Now I’m bleeding for you again. It’s breaking me in two, your tragic lonely and now cum-less life. What the fuck could have happened to turn you into such a frigid stone statue?’

‘I’m not frigid.’

‘You sure? Here, tell me if you feel something...’ Before she could run for cover, RC’s body was thrust against Fi, and her hands were pulling them close, drifting from her shoulder blades to cup around her butt.

‘RC!’

‘Can you feel anything, captain sir... do my hot body and feminine curves stir something in you... anything? Maybe just the tiniest twinge of awakening?’

‘Yes... no!’ Fi pushed RC away, and tried to stop her hands from shaking as she spoke to the floor. ‘I’m not... that way inclined. And may I remind you I am your superior officer?’

‘Oh gosh... I’d completely forgotten. Sorry, boss,’ RC smiled.

Still addressing the floor, Fi tried to steady her voice. ‘I... I think we should get some sleep. It’s been a long and... interesting day. Goodnight, detective Bender.’

The door hissed to a close as she hurried away, but not before she heard RC call out, ‘you can borrow my dildo if it helps!’

In her quarters, Fi sank a glass of water, and turned down the heating. It seemed to be malfunctioning, making the room hotter than it should be. She stripped ready for the shower, and caught sight of herself in the mirror. Her face looked flushed, and a slight smile was curling her lips upwards.

She wiped it away. There was no reason for it to be there.

RC called her a beanpole. She gazed at her naked body. It wasn’t a fair description, not exactly. She was slim... very slim... but bones didn’t stick out where they shouldn’t, and what curves she had were smooth and flawless.

That smile was there again. She turned away from the mirror, flicked the shower to cold, and gasped as water that felt like ice took her breath away. For an age she stood there, her eyes closed as RC’s unexpected actions replayed over and over. She’d pushed her away, shocked, but a part of her hadn’t wanted to.

She tried the only way she knew to analyse that, but cold logic didn’t seem to be working. Maybe her own antics in Murphy’s the previous night were to blame... the remorse, the belief she was about to lose her job...

Was any of that playing with her emotions?

No answers.

More confused than ever, she shivered violently, and realised her skin was dimpling up. She put a little warmth into the water, shook her head, and grabbed the scrunchy.

Sleep wouldn’t come. Still the room felt hot, despite the fact all she was wearing under the duvet was a pair of panties. The events of the day seemed to be on loop, compulsive viewing digging her in the ribs every time she tried to force sleep to come.

And RC was at the heart of it all.

What was happening? A girl so totally different as to be her exact opposite had exploded into her life, and a day and a half later was still exploding in her thoughts.

A day and a half.

Shouldn’t that have been thirty-six point zero hours?

A muffled voice.

It was coming from the walkway, just outside her door. ‘Captain sir, are you awake?’

‘RC?’

‘I’m scared, sir.’

‘Don’t call me sir. And what on Earth are you scared of?’

‘Nothing on Earth, s... boss. It’s my first night in space, and it’s the fact I’m stuck in a tin can with a frigid, desperately sex-starved captain that’s petrifying the shit out of me.’

That damn smile was there again. ‘RC, go to sleep.’

‘I’m sure I could... if I can have a cuddle first, pretty please?’

Fi whispered a groan, and realised her left hand was grasping the pillow so hard her knuckles were turning white. She released her grip like it was red hot. What the hell? She had to tell RC to go back to her quarters...

‘Ok, just for a minute.’

The door hissed aside, and five seconds later RC’s warm body was pressed up against hers. In fairness there was little choice, the bunk barely big enough for one.

‘Are you naked, RC?’

‘Sure. Always sleep naked. And anyway, you’re...’ A gentle hand slipped around Fi’s butt cheek. ‘Almost naked.’

‘Oh god.’

The hand drifted deliciously up her back, and then soft fingers slipped through her long hair.

‘Oh god.’

‘Will you stop saying that?’

‘I can’t.’

‘Sure you can. Just stop talking and kiss me...’

‘What just happened?’

‘You lost your frigidity.’

Fi lay against the cool side wall of the bunk, sucking in deep breaths as she came down. It wasn’t easy to speak, the words a breathless whisper. ‘You abused a superior officer.’

‘Oh please. Did that superior officer object?’

A moment’s hesitation. ‘No.’

‘Then quit whinging and enjoy the glow. I should get a star for saving you.’

‘From what?’

‘Yourself. And a shitty sexless and orgasm-less future. You can say thank you now.’

‘Thank you, RC.’

‘That’s better. Now turn over so I can spoon you into blissful sleep.’