Helen Silitto, private log, 23.9.2075

Something incredible happened last night. Something so mind-blowing, maybe writing it down will help me understand it better. Understand me better. I’m using my personal log, so no one can see it. This is not for anyone else’s eyes.

It’s hard enough for me to read.

Above my head, a gentle tropical breeze delicately caresses the palm-leaf roof of our island room. A few minutes ago, a warm early morning sun rose above the sea, dispelling the last remnants of the night I shall never forget.

The night someone stole my soul.

As I write, I begin to wonder who I am. I thought I knew, until a few hours ago. Now, I am a stranger to myself. I do not know how to feel. What I should feel. Guilt, remorse? Ecstasy, intensity… love?

I feel all of those things. But they are so messed up, I cannot separate one from the other.

I glance down to him, asleep in the bed next to me. My own sleep was fitful, sparse. But I am happy he sleeps so contentedly, for if he were to wake now he would see the pain and torment creasing my face. Yet I catch myself smiling as I gaze at him. Despite what happened last night, in the light of morning I find his closeness more comforting than ever.

One more feeling I cannot comprehend.

We are prisoners here, and yet somehow I have never felt so free.

He has come closer than any man to finding my heart. He doesn’t know it, not yet. I should tell him, I think. But it has just become even harder to find the words.

He owns my heart. He doesn’t own my soul, and now he never can.

She stole it, my angel. Last night, in a few moments of total, overwhelming passion, she took it from me.

She will own it forever.

And I will never be the same woman again.

 ______

Chapter 1

 Two Days Earlier...

DAY 1

 I guess it's a lot to do with timing. Staring at the walls with vacant, unseeing eyes is no coincidence. Tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of the day I first took command of this fine vessel. A little reluctantly, it has to be said.

Okay, very reluctantly. Four weeks prior to being granted my first commission I'd been on top of the world - or maybe that should be galaxy in my case - at the graduation ceremony, as Commander Walsh shook my hand and attached the captain's pips to my lapel. Then smiled warmly as he said the words I'll never forget as long as I live...

'Captain Helen Silitto, the Federation salutes you.'

Right then I could have taken on an alien invasion and defeated it single-handedly, such was my pride. It wasn't just about reaching the dizzy heights of captaincy... I'd torn up the record books too. At thirty-eight years old I'd become by far the youngest ever officer to be given that honour.

The euphoria didn't last long.

I’d expected too much from my first commission. Believed I was totally ready and able to take command of one of the state-of-the-art deep-space cruisers exploring the outer reaches of the solar system. Then came one of life's reality checks.

They gave me Eliminator IV.

The name may well conjure up images of a sleek battle-ready fighting machine, but the sad reality is that all we actually eliminate is junk.

Space junk. The million tons or so of old satellites and debris orbiting the Earth just above the atmosphere. The fact that some smart-ass boffin came up with that name has been the source of unrelenting amusement amongst our federation colleagues ever since the ugly craft was launched five years ago. At least now they just refer to it as the trash can. Or the latest gem of someone’s under-used brain, recycle-ator.

I have command of a crew of four, only two of whom are actually human. Clarence is a fat lazy furball of a cat, who spends most of his time asleep on Leroy's bed. Daisy is our ship's quantum computer. Although in a weird and slightly scary way, she's so irritatingly human I swear there's a tiny person running around her mainframe somewhere.

Leroy is our techie. He’s human. An out-and-out Rasta man, he comes complete with dreadlocks and a Bob Marley obsession. He’s so far out of time, when I first met him I had to ask what a Rasta was. It is two-thousand-and-seventy-five after all.

Once I got past the constant reggae music, and the fact he lives every day like he’s on a beach in Jamaica, he’s a really nice guy. And he does get tings done. Admittedly, the day after they should be.

It was his cheery, positive nature that helped me settle into the job, and finally accept the fact nothing remotely exciting was ever going to happen. Maybe Hog helped a little there too.

Howard Oswald Grant is my chief bin man, a sandy-haired American with a cheeky irresistible grin, something that has a strange effect on me when I allow it to. I don't know if things will ever go anywhere, long-term relationships are not really me. But he does put a smile on my face...

'Hey captain girl, you's gonna court-martial us if we leave the shakedown 'til tomorrow?'

Leroy's Jamaican drawl coming through the com speakers wrenched me away from the thought bubble that seemed to be detaching me from everything else. 'Oh... Leroy. Hello.'

'You ok, captain?'

'Yeah, deep in thought. Sorry.'

'Geez, don't give yourself a migraine!' he laughed.

'I'll court-martial you for insubordination if you keep that up, let alone laziness.'

I glanced at the VCR, the camera in the hold sending back a picture of the two men in spacesuits looking at me. Leroy had his hand on his heart, and knowing I would be watching, took a bow.

'Right, that's it,' I laughed. 'William Leroy Smith, you're officially discharged from duty.'

I could feel his big toothy grin, even though I couldn't see it through his helmet. 'Really? Aw, that's cool!'

'You and Hog get your asses back up here. I'm cooking, remember?'

I watched as the two suited figures did a silly dance, and then disappeared from the screen. It would be a few minutes until they joined me on the bridge. I sat back in the captain's chair, and my thought-bubble enveloped me again.

My tranquil solitude didn’t last long. It seemed like seconds before the sound of Buffalo Soldier came wafting down the walkway ahead of Leroy, who appeared on the bridge a moment later carrying his ancient boom box. 'Hey dude, how’s it hanging?'

Hog followed him in with a look of feigned exasperation. 'Leroy, people don’t talk like that anymore.'

'I’m not sure they ever did,' I said. 'Not in the real world, anyway.'

A big grin broke over Leroy’s face. We’d been winding him up for so long, he’d got all the answers ready. 'You’s both just jealous ‘cos you ain’t mastered the art of the chill. Me… I work and chill at the same time.'

And as if to underline that, he sat down at his main console and started tapping keys, singing away slightly out of tune, 'Buffalo soldier…in the heart of America…'

Hog and I smiled to each other. He sure did brighten the place up, even if you ignored the red shorts and flower-patterned shirt.

The VCR above Leroy’s console flickered into life, and Daisy’s perfect blonde features filled the screen. 'Hey sista,' he grinned. 'Is da fruit all ripe today? Seems there’s a whole heap in the yard now.'

'I’m not your sister, and I can’t understand a word you say, Leroy.'

As I said, irritatingly human. But Leroy was laying it on thick to Daisy, something he made sure he did at least once a day.  'Geez girl, I swear I’m gonna reprogram you as a Rasta woman.'

She decided to ignore that. 'Please restate your question, in English preferably.'

Leroy stood up and pressed his face to the screen, speaking in perfect Queen's English. 'How are you today, my dear?'

'Very well thank you, William.'

'It seems from my observations the hold is getting a little full. Can you furnish me with the percentage capacity remaining please?'

'Three percent.'

'Thank you. You may go.' He sat down, flicked a switch, and Daisy disappeared.

I couldn’t help shaking my head. 'She’ll blow a quantum chip one day if you keep winding her up, Leroy.'

'Yeah, well… she should lighten up a bit. Smoke a bit of ganja maybe.'

'She’s a computer, you moron.'

'Still think I could program a chill-pill into her.' The toothy smile never faded. 'Anyhows, bin's getting full folks. Time to call Pops.'

Pops pilots the freighter which comes to collect our junk once in a while. Eliminator IV never leaves orbit, so when we get full he empties us out, and transports the neat rectangles of crushed metal made by our robot compacters back to the surface… where they go towards making more metal objects that get launched into space.

'Ok Leroy,' I said, flicking the com switch. 'I’ll give the Geordie laddie a call.'

In seconds his white-bearded ruddy face flashed up on the screen. 'Haweay lass!' he beamed. 'Good t’see your pretty face, Helen.'

 'Hello Pops, you old bugger.'

'Guess the trash needs emptying then, Chuck, unless you’re asking me for a date?'

'Tell you what...' I decided to make his day. 'It's changeover time, so to save Nevada sending a crew shuttle up, why don't you bring the B-team with you, and pick us up as well as the trash? When we get to the surface you can buy me a drink or two in McCarthy’s. Deal?'

He let out a hearty laugh. If now were two hundred years ago he’d be sailing a three-masted schooner to America, instead of a short-haul space freighter. 'Way-ay… you’ve a deal there, lassie!'

I winked at him, and clicked my tongue. 'How long, Pops?'

'Four days, lass. Off to do the same for your compatriots tomorrow. Give you a call when I’m close. Toodlepip!'

Pops was referring to Eliminator III, our sister ship which also drifts round the Earth doing exactly the same job. We never see each other, maintaining orbits on opposite sides of the planet, but the two crews have an on-going and extremely competitive battle with each other. Playing computer games.

'Four days to go, guys,' I announced as I closed the link with Pops. 'Then it’s bye-bye trash, and hello fresh air!'

  Chapter 2

I left the guys to it, and headed off to the mess. My hands on autopilot, I went through the motions of preparing dinner, but still my head was somewhere else. It might have something to do with Hog, and an upcoming event making it hard to concentrate on anything else.

Something I like very much about my job is a duty-tour which means we get three months on and three months off. By the time we reach the last few days of duty, I’m ready for my R&R. But when going back to work draws close, I find myself ready for that too.

It’s four days to end of duty, then a few drinks with Pops, a flight home, and off into the Lake District hills to breathe properly again.

The last part of that plan is the bit freaking me out. Going home this time will be a whole different ball-game. Hog’s coming with me for a couple of weeks. And it’s scaring the hell out of me... it’s been a long time since I’ve shared my space with someone else. In that way at least.

It’s also the first time we will spend any time together away from Eliminator. The first time a work relationship with benefits becomes something more real. It’s only two weeks, and then he’s off back to Utah to pack his stuff, and leave his family home now the divorce is final.

That’s the bit creeping me out even more than sharing my home with him.

He swears it’s a mutual break-up, but I saw the distress on his face when the news came through three weeks ago that the decree absolute had been granted. I couldn’t really blame him... fifteen years with someone is a decent chunk of a lifetime to say goodbye to.

My all-time record is three. Not exactly something to be proud of, at my age. Becoming the youngest captain in the federation came at the expense of a private life. My career was always top priority. A messed-up relationship with a colleague which turned pretty nasty didn’t help, putting me off men for a very long time.

Now that’s all about to change. Hog’s coming to stay with me… in my cottage bolt-hole… in my bed. In my life… twenty-four-seven.

It’ll be fine.

 Time to stop stressing about it.

My thoughts were interrupted anyway, as the man of my dreams stuck his head round the door. 'Just wanted to check you're ok with leaving the shakedown until tomorrow.'

 'Fine by me, Hog. There's no hurry, we’re about full anyway. Now go away, otherwise I'll end up burning dinner.'

He grinned, gave me a gentle kiss, and disappeared. I went back to the chopping board, glad Leroy had suggested calling it a day. I had far too much thinking to do to worry about shakedowns.

The Leroy-christened shakedown is actually the sort process. Although the compactor bots are supposed to do it, in the past they’ve missed things we weren’t supposed to catch, and perfectly good stuff got crushed. So now while they do their work we’re in the hold as well, making sure the pile gets sorted correctly.

Our final catch is one big pile, it’s the end of our tour of duty, and we’re all trashed out. So it can wait until tomorrow.

  Chapter 3

The jerk chicken with rice and peas I cooked to appease Leroy went down a storm. Not exactly renowned for my culinary skills, poor Clarence missed out on this occasion. There were no leftovers.

Two hours later I was in the shower. I wasn’t alone. Hog’s gentle hands sensually massaged me clean. As it always does, his touch turned me on. We slipped into his bed, gently caressing each other in a beautiful, unhurried kind of way.

He’s not a hunk; he’s just… nice. Good to touch, unselfish, kind. He tells me how he’s feeling, and doesn’t keep stuff in. Somehow, he shows me too. Like now. His gentle hands caressed my body, drifted slowly down my back and around the curves of my butt, teasing me, making me wait for the finger that finally slipped inside me.

A second finger filled me, and within seconds I couldn’t take it anymore. He had to be properly inside me, and I had to be on top. With one slow movement I sank myself around all of him. He flexed again, making me tighten around him, involuntarily.

I leant back, getting every bit of him inside me. Lost in slow-motion, mellow passion, we were both high. I could hardly move without coming. I lay back onto him, and we kissed beautifully. His hands caressed my butt, gently pressing me into him. Then we were motionless again, feeling each other’s high. So close. Soft kisses took me even higher. He smiled, an almost painful look on his face. 'Come with me…'

He thrust every bit of him into me. I gasped, found his hands and clasped them tightly into mine. There was nothing to do then, just let it happen…

'I’m really sorry about this… is this what you humans call coitus interruptus?’

The VCR on Hog’s desk burst into life, and Daisy was staring at us.

'Daisy, are you watching us?'

'Well no, but I can see you now I’m on screen.' Hastily I fell off Hog, and covered myself up. Idiot, she’s only a computer… I think. Hog was none too pleased.

'What the hell do you think you’re doing Daisy, it’s almost midnight!'

'As I said, I’m really sorry. But this is an emergency.'

He sat up, pulling on a sweatshirt. 'What kind of emergency?'

'We’ve got a problem.'

'Yes, I realise that. Just tell us, for fuck's sake.'

'I know this is a bit unusual, but I’ve just detected an additional life-sign on board.'

All thoughts of mind-blowing, perfectly timed climaxes went a million miles away the instant Daisy said that. Then because it was so impossible, doubt began to creep in. 'Daisy, your sensors must be malfunctioning,' I managed to mumble.

'No, checked and double checked. Perfect working order.'

'Check them again.'

I swear she sighed. 'Very well… no, all perfect.'

Hog and I sat looking at each other, taking it in. Finally he spoke. 'Where is this life-sign, Daisy?'

'In the hold.'

'What?'

'In the hold. Somewhere amongst the latest catch.'

Silence again. 'Are you sure it’s not Leroy, gone there for some weird reason?'

'I’m not stupid. He’s in his cabin watching John Holt in concert.'

She does watch us. I’d scratch her eyes out if she had any.

'What would you like me to do, captain?'

'Um… page Leroy to join us in the mess. We’d better go check this out.'

'Very well. I’ll stay on screen, in case you need me.'

'Don’t bother.'

Something had to be wrong. What was happening couldn’t be happening. Something alive, coming in with the junk? Hog looked seriously worried. He threw on the rest of his clothes, and staggered into the bathroom to splash water on his face. He reappeared, rubbing his face vigorously with a towel.

'This can’t be right, Hel. It’s not like we netted a shuttle or something.'

'I know. Let’s get to the mess... the sooner we check this out the better.'

Leroy was already there when we walked in, looking half pissed-off, half petrified. 'This better be cosher, folks. Mr. Holt ain’t awaitin’ me.'

'Daisy told you then?'

'Yeah, and she said you two were none too pleased either.'

Hog and I couldn’t help sharing a sheepish grin as we hurried down to the hold. I suggested we suit up. The hold had oxygen, but the apprehension was building, and the suits would at least give us some protection from… whatever. We also picked up hand-held scanners from the medical room. They would confirm if, and where the life-sign was.

The three of us arrived at the door to the hold, suited and booted, scanners in hand, fear of the unknown in our eyes. Nothing like this had ever happened to us before. It had never happened to anyone else either. If there was something alive in there, it sure as hell couldn’t be human.

In every sense, it would be a first for humanity.

  Chapter 4

After what seemed an eternity’s worth of hesitation, I finally opened the hold door.

Leroy threw the switch, and the lights flickered into life. All seemed quiet. In the distance we could see the junk pile we’d decided to leave sorting until tomorrow. Except now it was tomorrow, half past midnight.

'Come on, crew,' Hog’s slightly metallic voice came through the helmet com. 'In for a penny…' He threw out another of the ancient expressions he had a habit of using, most of them English for some odd reason.

'I’ll call Albert, he can help us get to the bottom of this… excuse the irony.' I pressed a button on my wrist console, and we heard Albert whirr into life from the 'bot station.

Albert is the head ALF, the only one built with AI, so he can supervise the compacter 'bots in their work. He came trundling up to us, a big tin can shaped wheeled machine with two huge pincer claws for arms. 'Good morning, captain. What can I do for you today?'

'Help us find the life sign.'

'I’m sorry?'

'There’s something alive in the junk pile.'

'That’s unusual, captain.'

I shook my head at our ALF’s mastery of the art of understatement. We walked slowly over to the pile. Albert didn’t move that fast anyway, and we sure didn’t want to arrive before him, his pincers the only thing close to a weapon we had between us.

'Shit,' said Hog in a shaky voice. 'Daisy’s right.'

A rapidly flashing green light on his scanner was sending us a clear, terrifying message. A slowly flashing, intermittent signal would have indicated something small. Now there was no doubt... somewhere in the junk was a real, full-blown living thing.

'This ain't good, people.' Even through his visor, I could see Leroy’s eyes as wide as saucers. 'I didn’t sign up for this,' he said shakily. The ever-present grin was nowhere to be seen.

'Maybe we should call the federation, Hel,' said Hog. 'Get some reinforcements before we go any further?'

I hesitated, trying to think rationally. I’d only been captain for a year, and I knew the sensible thing would be to cut and run. Whatever this was had come in with the junk, and we’d all watched the net bring in its catch. There was nothing of any real size, so the living thing couldn’t be that big, could it? I didn’t want to look a fool if it turned out to be nothing.

 So we decided to press ahead, and agreed that should it prove bigger than we thought, we’d run for it and lock it in the hold.

Or open the rear hatch, and get Albert to shove it back into space.

None of us wanted to start moving junk, so we got Albert to do it.

Hog had circumnavigated the pile with his scanner, and we’d realised whatever was in there lay pretty buried. Albert worked slowly, which to begin with was fine, but after ten minutes or so and the pile hardly touched, we started to get fidgety. We put our cowardice aside, and mucked in with our ALF friend.

The pile was everything a space-memorabilia collector could dream of. Tiny bits of satellite and short haul spaceship that had got broken off, or deliberately discarded in the years before the amount of space junk became dangerous to the manned and unmanned craft orbiting the Earth, or those travelling to and from the colonies on Mars.

We could probably make a small fortune bootlegging it on the surface.

Albert pulled a big piece of satellite away from the pile, and half a ton of stuff crashed down. We froze. It happens all the time, can’t be avoided… but right then our shit-scared levels were off the scale, and lots of metal bits falling around us wasn’t helping.

'Be careful, Albert,' I snapped. 'You could have killed someone!'

'I’m sorry, captain. It won’t happen again.'

I pulled myself together. 'No, I’m sorry Al... I’m just a bit fraught you know.'

'Life-sign’s still strong,' reported Hog. I groaned, disappointed by his words. I’d kind of hoped it might have got crushed to death.

Daisy’s sweet voice crackled through the com. 'How are things down there, captain?'

'Still shifting junk. Had a partial collapse a minute ago.'

'Yes, I saw it.'

 Course you did, voyeur.

'Just thought I’d better tell you, the life-sign is moving.'

'What?'

'It’s moving. Only a little, but it’s not still.'

Instinctively, all three of us stepped back from the pile. Leroy sounded like he’d just had the worst nightmare of his life. 'Oh momma, this Rasta boy sure is jellified. Is now a good time to hand in my resignation, captain?'

'Come on guys, pull yourselves together. Think of the fame and fortune. We'll be the first humans to encounter an alien life-form.' The words were hollow, and I'm sure the guys knew I didn’t believe them either.

Albert was still working away, and the pile was spreading out over the floor of the hold. Hog had a moment of abject bravery, and climbed part way up the remaining heap to scan for the life-form. His wobbly words sent a shiver through me.

'It’s very close now, just three or four metres inside.'

Oh hell. This was it. My heart was pounding like a jackhammer as Hog came down from the pile and took my hand, as best he could through thick space gloves. He looked at me and smiled, a weak petrified attempt at moral support. Leroy joined us, and we stood as close together as possible as Albert’s telescopic pincers reached high up, and pulled out a big piece of an old Russian space rocket.

We half expected another collapse, but nothing moved. What we didn’t expect to see was a hole... a space in the junk that looked like a tunnel. A kind of faint light was coming from something we couldn’t yet see.

We stood rooted to the spot, but nothing seemed to be happening. Then I jumped out of my skin as Albert broke the silence.

'Shall I carry on, captain?'

I swallowed hard. There was no space captain’s manual for this. It was time for a seat-of-the-pants decision. 'No thank you, Albert. Wait a while now. We’re going in.'

I didn’t quite believe I’d just said those words, and neither could the guys. Leroy looked at Hog, and Hog looked at me, mouthing the words, 'Going in?' For some reason he couldn't actually speak right then.

'We’ve come this far. Got to see it through now.' With a kind of new-found and probably extremely foolhardy bravery, I started towards the opening, dragging Hog along with me.

As I reached the hole I felt the bravado wilting. It was for sure a tunnel, and it hadn’t been made by accident. Something wanted us to find it.

I stepped inside the space, still dragging Hog by the hand. Leroy also found some guts, and was close behind. We moved one step at a time, inching forward. The tunnel was curved, just wide enough to allow a human body through.

The light grew a little stronger. We could see quite easily. A few more steps and we’d be there. Then, for what seemed the hundredth time in the last hour I jumped out of my skin again, as Daisy’s irritating voice filled my helmet.

'You’re almost at the life-sign now, captain.'

'Yes, thank you Daisy, I’m aware of that,’ I hissed back. ‘Now shut up.'

Then we were there. The tunnel opened out into a slightly bigger space, and we could see it. Sitting on a metallic cylinder with an open glass lid, no bigger than a coffin, it turned to us with an angelic smile.

'You took your time,' it said.

It wasn’t what we expected. That’s an understatement. The kind that makes anything Daisy would come out with pale into insignificance.

As we gaped inanely at it, it spoke again. 'I’ve been waiting here for hours. You’re not very efficient are you?'

I shook my head slowly, feeling like a scalded schoolgirl. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t even swallow right then. It stood up, and closed the glass lid on the cylinder. 'Never mind, you’re here now.' It looked at us quizzically. 'Don’t you speak?'

To my relief Hog managed to murmur something. 'Um… yes, of course. This is just a little… shocking.'

It looked a bit surprised. 'Oh, I’m sorry. I thought I looked just like you. Only younger.'

I finally found my voice. 'You do, that’s the shocking part.'

It grimaced. 'Hmm… and I thought that would make it easier. Perhaps I have been away too long.'

'Where have you come from?' I blurted out.

'Oh, everywhere and nowhere.' The angelic smile again.

'But how..?'

'You netted me, remember? That wasn’t part of the plan, but then I decided to go with it anyway.' He gestured to the coffin. 'This pod isn’t exactly the most comfortable mode of transport.'

We didn’t seem to be getting any real answers, but then I guess there was a lack of real questions as we tried to make sense of the sight before us. That wasn’t an easy task.

Standing there looking sweetly up at us was a young boy. Eight, maybe nine years old, with blonde curly hair, he was clad in a white gown. He glowed. Just a faint incandescent light, but he definitely glowed.

'Alright,' I said, trying to put aside my disbelief. 'Straight talking now. What are you?'

'Don’t you know?' That innocent smile again. 'I thought you would have worked it out by now.'

'Well we haven’t.' Irritation was taking over. 'So just identify yourself please.'

'Okay, if I must,' said the little boy. 'I’m the messenger of god. The instigator of his will, his number two as it were. I’m the archangel Azrael.’

   Chapter 5

'Nobody believes in god anymore.'

In the unofficial federation book of daft quotes, that was sure to go to number one… and stay there forever. Azrael didn’t seem to mind. 'I’m well aware of that. Which is why I’m here.'

Hog hadn’t stopped shaking his head since our guest identified himself. He sounded a bit cynical. 'So why actually are you here?'

'To save the planet.'

'Save it from what?'

'From you. The human race.'

Another conversation stopper. I was trying to come up with something to say that didn’t sound like blubbering when the little one spoke again. 'Look, can we get out of here? I’m not sure how much longer I can hold up this pile of scrap, and you’ll not be very well if it crashes down on top of you.'

'Yeah man, good idea,' piped up Leroy. 'I sure could use a smoke anyways!'

We agreed, and as we walked clear of the pile of scrap, it came crashing down.

Was he really holding it up?

As we made our way to the mess Hog looked at me, still shaking his head. We’d taken our helmets off... little Azrael didn’t seem much of a threat. I could see in his face Hog was unsure about… probably everything. He spoke quietly to me, so our visitor couldn't hear, but he knew his words were futile. 'Put him in confinement, Hel, while we decide what to do about this.'

I whispered back. 'Sure Hog… I'll call up our non-existent security team, and they can take him to our non-existent brig. This is a trash-can, boy, not exactly equipped for first contact.'

He pulled a face, and turned round to speak to our little angel. 'So tell me, Israel…'

'Az-ray-el,' the archangel intonated, in a slightly irritated kind of way.

'Sorry Az, have you travelled far?'

'Time and space are irrelevant to me.'

Hog was getting wound up. 'But you look human. We abide by a timescale.'

'Oh this?' the boy indicated his body. 'This is just a look I chose. I don’t really have form, not in a way you’d comprehend anyway.'

'So you’re a fake then?'

For the first time I saw anger in Azrael’s eyes. 'No, I’m not fake. And pretty soon I’ll prove it.'

I took Hog’s hand, caught his eye and gave him a button it look. The last thing we needed right then was a pissed-off angel. Or alien. Or entity…

We reached the mess, on went the coffee maker, out came Leroy’s ganja tin. Hog dived into the fridge.

'Want something to eat, Az?'

'I don’t eat, thank you.'

'Drink?'

'I don’t drink either.'

'Smoke?' asked Leroy.

'Yes, I’ll have some of that please!'

'You’re not old enough to smoke that stuff,' I said.

'I’m older than I look, by a few thousand years.'

Leroy was skilfully rolling little white tubes. 'So tell me Azrael, where do you come from?'

'I reside in the third heaven.'

'Is that… far to go?'

'You’re not taking me seriously, are you?